Divorce & Beyond: Session Three - Stress

Stress.....do I have stress? You bet your ass I do! Everyone has something to stress about. I'm definitely stressed, but it seems it's worse than I thought. We did an exercise called Life Change Index Scale. You might have seen this before. It lists events and scores for you to add up if you've experienced these in the last 12 months. I scored a 306. That is a Major Life Crisis Level with an 80% chance of physical illness from stress. Yikes! Some highlights from the scale:

•   Son or daughter leaving home - This is very bad for me. Owen was my stress reliever. No matter how bad the day I had at work, coming home to him yelling daddy and running to give me a big hug was my stress relief! Now I get my parents, who want to tell me what to do our bitch about the people they work with.
• Major change in living conditions - Yea, living at home again was something I NEVER EVER thought would happen again. You see, all she did was replace me in her life, other than that she still has Owen and an apartment and partner to live with. Meanwhile, I have no wife, no son, no apartment! 
• Major change in sleeping habits - God what I wouldn't give to sleep through the night!! First of all, I don't want to sleep. When I get stressed or depressed, I'm no the sleeping tight, but I was I was! I hear in the group about people who sleep all day long. I wish I could! Instead, my mind is racing with thoughts of the shit I'm dealing with. Then, I wake up several times at night. Sometime to pee. Mostly only to look at the clock, let out a sigh, flip the pillow, then go back to sleep. Then on weekends when I don't have Owen, I can't sleep in! I have the room darkened, but my body still tries to get up at the same time as the work week. I toss and turn then finally get up around 10am. I feel better knowing that other people in the group have troubles sleeping through the night.

Anxiety is one of the primary contributors to stress. I've been dealing with anxiety for over 10 years. And this divorce is making it difficult to control. The book states situations that trigger my anxiety perfectly:

• The loss of a secure life - Everything was exactly how it was suppose to be. I had a wife and we were raising our son. I was not in doubt that this was going to change when it did.
• The loss of even more control - I'm not going to lie, I like to be in control. And I was in our marriage. But now, I have no control of what is going on, and it's killing me! My life is being put in the hands of a certain county court, who are not treating me very well!
• The loss of self esteem - How am I appearing to other people? Are they trying to treat me differently because of my situation? Do they care?
• The loss of identity - Who am I anymore? Now I have to get anxious about relating to new women and having to adjust to unfamiliar feelings, thinking, and actings.